Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Open Letter

Before any of you start thinking this little blog space is all magical fairy doors and pumpkin patches, I'd like to step out of my usual habit of musing on a thing, good or bad, and squeezing every ounce of rambling metaphor I can out it. The following is an open letter that I need to get out of my system so I can face the next several months without shouting expletives so profane they cause the earth's axis to tilt ever so slightly sending innocent penguins hurtling into outer space.
Dear School,
I understand you have had funding cuts...again...and that you will be relying on donations and fundraisers to support your 17,000 pounds of photocopier paper to relay the daily messages about how your funding has been cut and you will be relying on donations and fundraisers to support... (see: Escher, M.C.)
I want this school to succeed in its mission to educate my daughter on the basics. I'll fill her in on all the really important stuff as we go, but I have to speak out concerning the latest fundraiser scheme we are being asked to participate in. Don't you think hiring a company to send home snazzy pamphlets with 3D glasses in them and scripts for the 5 to 8 year olds to beg for money per lap, then make them run on a 90 plus degree day until they drop faster than Icarus at the feet of their guilt ridden parents all of whom advocate rescuing greyhounds from mob bosses for exhibiting less cruelty? Calling it a "fun" run doesn't take the horror out of it. Fun shot, fun root canal, fun colonoscopy. Nope, still doesn't work. So do me a favor and stop manipulating my child's trust in adults, thanks.
And then, then, we find out you only get 10% of the donations. So this company, if it can be called that legitimately, keeps 90% of the money our families have coughed up. I am not good at math, I've been very upfront about that, but even I know the economics of this deal are a wee bit uneven.
I propose you send a nice email or letter for those families that don't have access, requesting a donation for specific reasons because people are more likely to let go of their money if they know exactly what their buying. Then, since you didn't hire a scamathon enticing my child with more plastic junk made by starving children somewhere, you, dear School, get to keep 100% of the monies raised. I know, it's awesome, right?! Thanks.
See you on the field,
ps- this also applies to all of the charities asking me to mail out letters to my neighbors. Sheesh.


Christie said...

That's to easy to work. Silly Heather.

kim said...


Mom said...
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Sara said...

That's terrible! Just 10%? What moron approved that?

Jami said...

That makes no sense whatsoever. I think they should put you on the fundraising committee!! : )

Left-Handed Housewife said...

Don't get me started on children selling stuff to raise money for schools. Why don't they just ask every family to cough up five dollars and give us all a break?

And let's not talk about the amount of school time being taken up to get the gets ready to go out and sell, sell, sell.

Aarrgghh. Good luck with this.


Anonymous said...

Having taught in public schools for 20 years now, I despise the antics and schemes that these companies use to hype the kids and guilt the parents to sell "stuff". I know of a school in our county that is very up front about fundraising. They ask each family to "donate" $100 for the first child and $50 for the second or more each year. This donation gets the child a school T-shirt, yearbook, and the extra goes to the PTO. It works. Parents love it that they do not have to sell, sell, sell. Can you make a "donation" without selling? Enjoy the fight.

magnusmog said...

What a nasty idea - thankfully it hasn't reached our schools in Scotland yet.